As the Oscars approach, people excelling in their respective fields get rewarded. Continuing with our tradition, we recognise and reward the media persons who excelled in spinning, dramatizing, twisting and faking news:
Award for best dialogue:
Usually categories like these are reserved for Arnab Goswami who has immortalised Indian Journalism via dialogues like ‘Nation wants to know’ and ‘Never ever ever ever’. But this year Barkha Dutt wins it hands down for her Burhan Wani “son of school headmaster” comment:
Breaking: Burhan Wani hizbul commander, son of school headmaster who used social media as weapon of war, killed in Anantag. BIG STORY
— barkha dutt (@BDUTT) July 8, 2016
Best Script:
This award goes to the anti-demonetisation script which played out in the media. Sure, it did not get popular support, as is evidenced by the various local election results ever since, but the effort was indeed worth an award. They tried to link it to completely irrelevant news. They gave all sorts of reasons why it was a bad idea. They helped start rumours to derail demonetisation. Raghav Bahl wrote 2 insipid anti-demonetisation articles in a business magazine. Ravish Kumar presented Congress members as independent analysts. News 18 misquoted Deepak Parekh. The best (or worst) part of the script was where each and every death near or relating to a bank was blamed on demonetisation.
Best original screenplay:
Contrary to popular opinion, it takes a lot of effort to create a story from nowhere. Respecting this fact, this award for best original screenplay goes to media for the time they created the story that Gau-rakshaks attacked and threatened a man for carrying a bag made from cow-leather. Unfortunately for them, the man who created this story said that “he did it because he hates Hindus”.
Award for Best Editing
Editing involves cutting, pasting, or even adding something to the events filmed, in order to make them appealing. The best such editing was done when media added the phrase “our people” to Defence Minister Parrikar’s speech, thereby giving the effect that his “own people” had orchestrated the Snapdeal boycott move. The edit was so seamless that it took a while for people to realise that these words were not even there in the original video. The brain-washing was so effective that NDTV’s Nidhi Razdan along with an abusive troll, repeated this lie on national television.
Honourable mention: BJP MLA breaks horses leg in Uttarakhand.
Award for Best Make Up
This award is not like the traditional “Make-Up”award. This is given to the journalist/media person who “makes up” the best story out of nowhere. We were spoilt for choice here and the award finally has to be given to the time when entire media came together to “make up” a story in which upper caste people beat up some low-caste robbers. Sanghi facts later revealed that the people who beat them up were also from low-caste.
Award for Best Special Effects
Special effects add the necessary spice to an otherwise dull story. They add a new dimension, confounding the reader. This award hence is given to Huffington Post, for their tireless efforts in confounding the readers. They started off by putting up pictures of Bajrang Dal when rape threats were issued to a student in Jammu Kashmir, by Kashmiri locals, who by no stretch of imagination can be considered as Bajrang Dal. The second time, for a story involving a JDU leader’s son, a picture of ABVP was used, to add special effects to the story.
Award for Best RomCom
This award is unheard of in Indian circles, but is actually quite popular in Hollywood and is given to the best Romantic Comedy movie. This award is presented to all the media persons and establishments which sought to develop a romantic relationship with Hizbul Mujahideen terrorist Burhan Muzzafar Wani, with some giving him clean chits, some using spin and some plain deception.
Award for Best Comedy
This award goes to the one and only abusive troll who calls herself a journalist, Swati Chaturvedi, for her outrageously funny “exclusive” story in which she claimed that Mohan Bhagwat of the RSS would hold a grand Modi-like event in the UK, which would be graced with the presence of stars like Sir Richard Branson, Sir David Attenborough, and Hollywood superstar Leonardo DiCaprio. DiCaprio was even tipped to “provide a touch of stardust to Bhagwat’s anti-beef message”, being vegan.
Award for Best Action
Action consists of dramatic fight sequences, in which characters fight against each other. The best Action award goes to Arnab Goswami and Barkha Dutt for their constant on and off fights for the past one year. It began with Arnab’s veiled attack on Barkha, which resulted in Barkha attacking him back. The action is still on and every now and then we see some action sequence going on.
Award for Best Foreign Media
Without doubt this award goes to NDTV, and not for one reason. Throughout the year NDTV has strived to prove how non-Indian they are, by constantly jeopardising India’s interests. NDTV, a media house, decided to act all NGO-ish and filed a case in the NGT, to stop India’s Sagarmala project, which would lead to massive development along the coast. On another occasion, NDTV showed Kashmir as a part of Pakistan. The clincher was when NDTV was found guilty of airing sensitive information during an ongoing anti-terror operation, which could jeopardise many Indian lives.
Award for Best Actor
Indian media’s SRK does it gain. Last year he bagged the award for multiple performances which showcased a range of emotions. This year, he wins it for his fabulous acting, from the time he sent abusive direct messages from his Twitter Account. Almost 12 hours later, Rajdeep claimed that in fact his account was hacked, even though in between the abusive messages and the claim that the account was hacked, Rajdeep had tweeted normally. Of course the mystery “hacker” is nowhere to be seen nor any update on the case has been posted by Rajdeep. Rajdeep also had some other commendable performances like the time he acted blind, to communal riots in West Bengal, or the time he acted as if he was an interviewer, in a softball interview of Akhilesh Yadav.
Award for Best Actress
This award goes to veteran actress Saba Naqvi for her performance which was on throughout the year, and still is. Saba acted as if she was an independent, neutral journalist, whereas she was a compromised hack, who had been rewarded by AAP for her servility to them.
