Dear Indian citizens,
We, the eminent citizens of India, once again write to you. Now you may think what are eminent citizens and who decides who becomes eminent citizen. Well, don’t worry, we will answer that first. First, what are eminent citizens, well, eminent citizens are simply those who matter more than you, our opinion matters more than you, we are way way way richer than you, we have a bungalow bigger than SRK’s house in Delhi AND Mumbai, and we are, in a nutshell, better humans than you common people.
Next point, who decides who becomes an eminent citizen, well we do… There is Ashok here who called me an eminent citizen, I called Ashok an eminent citizen. Then there is Naeema here who called Swati an eminent citizen, then Swati called Naeema an eminent citizen, and then we all came together and called everyone eminent citizen, so we all became eminent citizens, a superior race to all you common idiots.
Anyway, I really digressed there, coming back to our open letter, Lok Sabha 2024 elections are upon us and it is our last chance to save democracy in the world. Remember, if Rahul Gandhi doesn’t become PM this time, democracy will die in the entire universe, not just India. There are people living in Pandora who are waiting with baited breath whether India will save democracy or not. No pressure, but universe is now looking at you dear Indian voters.
Now, as eminent citizens, we generally have no interest in elections, because whoever becomes PM, we will stay eminent citizens. Unless a Prime Minister decides to close all the pretentious cafes that sell overpriced terrible coffee, it doesn’t affect us personally who becomes PM. However, this time, it is about saving democracy so we must all gear up to save this thing called democracy.
It is a well known fact that if Narendra Modi wins another election, he will end democracy in not just India, but also in other democratic countries like Afghanistan and Somalia. This man must be stopped and never allowed to win an election. He couldn’t end democracy in India after 2014 and 2019 elections because we defeated him, but if he wins this time, he is going to end democracy. Oh wait, Ashok just told me he actually won in 2014 and 2019, but his fear of eminent citizens stopped him from ending democracy back then, but does he still fear us? We don’t know, and do you want to find that out at the cost of democracy?
The threat to democracy is not the only reason not to vote for fascist Narendra Modi and his Party. (Arey Naeema, wo fascist hai Modi ya Nazi hai, ya ye dono same hote hain?). Yes, Modi is fascist but that is not the only reason to not vote for him. Modi goes to temples, and actually knows how to pray in every temple, ewww, who even goes to temples in 21st century? Go to a Church, go to a mosque, if you want to be hip, go to a Buddhist math, but Hindu temple, terrible. Can such a man lead us to the future, someone who is still following a tradition dating back thousands of years?
Compare him to that young boy Rahul Gandhi, who just left his teens and became… 53???? (Arey Ashok ye buddha 53 ka ho gaya?), yeah as we were saying, this kid just left his teens and became 53 years old. Either he doesn’t go to temples, or even if he goes, he looks as much at home as Hardik Pandya in Ahmedabad this IPL season. This is leadership, this is the politician we need, this is the guidance we need, this is the Julius Caesar of our times.
Another reason to vote for Rahul Gandhi, he is young and athletic, who else can run from Amethi in UP to Wayanad in Kerala. We need such a fit PM, not someone like Modi who has camped in Varanasi forever, it literally feels like forever.
And then there is the experience, Modi has no administrative experience, just being Gujarat CM few times and being PM few times, while Rahul Gandhi has a wealth of experience. You know, once Rahul Gandhi traveled in a local train in Mumbai, what more experience do you need to run a 1.4 Billion country.
In conclusion, we just want to say, vote wisely, vote for Rahul Gandhi. Remember, we are the eminent citizens of India and we know best…
