A babu drained an entire reservoir to find his lost mobile phone. It is time Modi Sarkar drains the swamp known as babudom and IAS. The officer allegedly said the water is “stale and unfit for any use”. Well, you can exactly say that of Indian bureaucracy.

Anyone that has ever stepped into a government office, without connections, of course, can attest to the “ruler vs ruled” culture that prevails. These babus whatever their designation or rank, are practically impossible to reach. A bunch of serfs, hangers-on or peons will filter you out.  You must push past dozens of other darshan hopefuls waiting in vain. If he grants audience at all, it will be with an imperious attitude and a “don’t waste my time” look. In the past, the room will look like it’s been bombed by a B-1. Today we have air-conditioning, somewhat cleaner offices and laptops but the mindset is the same. He will cast a quick glance at your sheaf of documents. They will be rejected for the slightest deviation from norms that were never published or made known and practically thrown back at you. If he accepts you get a gruff “Hmph” and your paper gets thrown into a tray – a signal for you to get out. And chase another set of babus to see that it moves through the system.

Of course, all this changes dramatically if you go in with the right ‘credentials’. There are smiles all around, clerks and peons will be rushing to find your file and getting your work done. Someone will magically appear with a cup of tea. Even if you give a blank piece of paper, it will meet all norms and mysterious rules or will be made to.

This is the exact culture the British put in place. To be fair, this is what they did to themselves too, not just us. It has been parodied in serials like “Yes Minister”. The only difference is they are rich and we are not. They were the looters and we, the looted. It costs us a lot more to maintain our bloated, corrupt, incompetent babudom than it does a British citizen. I use the word cost in its widest possible sense. The salary is a very tiny part of it.

After independence, this culture suited the Congress and the ruling dynasty like a pair of good gloves. Because they were no different from the colonials and as far removed from the lives, needs, problems and pains of ordinary Indians as the British were. Their shehzades didn’t go to schools built by their family for ordinary Indians. They went to Doon or London. They needed a buffer between them and the ruled – a bunch of “labarthies” that benefited from the Nehruvian socialism, enjoyed the best schools like Kendriya Vidyalayas, didn’t have to pay their medical bills, and enjoyed inflation-proof salaries and pensions. It’s the others, the ordinary Indians that paid the price of this system. The babus were, and in many ways still are, no different from medieval aristocrats, noblemen and courtiers. By the way, did you know sons of nobles didn’t have to sit for or pass exams to get their degrees in Britain? 

Their powers increased by leaps and bounds in the “Idea of India” age. Laws were passed, and forms, returns, procedures and rules were invented to make practically everyone a criminal under some statute or the other. This gives them a powerful chokehold over everyone. If they wish they can squeeze it and fix you.

Babudom also provided the dynastic rulers with a chance to pass the buck. Often you will see news of a minister “scolding” a babu. At worse he gets suspended. That doesn’t mean anything – he gets his salary without even doing whatever little he was doing. And soon back in another job with exactly the same perks or even with a promotion. 

The recruitment process and career advancement too perpetuated the class system. You join government service either as a low-level clerk or pass the coveted IAS exam and join as an officer. It does not require any practical experience, commercial skills, selling, managing or negotiating with trade unions. 30-year-olds that won’t even get past the first interview in a decent private company will be ruling over an entire district with armies of constables and clerks reporting to them. Because they knew Mughal history, the exact year Tipu Sultan came to power or Nehru got his degree and read The Hindu regularly. The leftists gamed this too. 

Given the high level of unemployment and socialist constraints on private business, the academic qualifications of the clerks and IAS were soon no different too – many postgraduates and even engineering grads rush to apply for jobs as peons and clerks as everyone can’t become IAS.

On the contrary, the road to real promotion is practically shut for the lower class that join as clerks – at best you can reach a level that the IAS will join straight in or maybe a couple of ranks more say Undersecretary or Director. That too when you are staring at retirement, with all energy lost.

This is a powerful disincentive for performance. It tells millions of government workers – “do whatever you want you will never get beyond this rank in 40 years”. Might as well sit back and focus on your next DA increase or IPL scores. Care to name any Cabinet secretary that joined as a clerk and climbed the ranks with good work? While the private sector does recruit MBAs etc in high ranks, performance counts and out-of-turn promotions are very often seen.

Incidentally, a similar system was put in place by state-run insurance companies, banks etc. too. With very similar results, until competition forced them to change.

Most of the beneficiaries in the initial years were from the upper class. Far from complaining or seeking to overturn this system, the backward and Dalits were fooled to lobby for a ticket to join as insiders. Naturally, only elites within them benefited too.

It is a product of this system that drained the dam. And it is precisely this swamp that Modi needs to drain.

The idiotic forms and returns as well as tax changes invented by RBI, MCA, Income Tax and other babus are clear testimony to this. Nothing ever will change them. Reform is impossible. Just drain the swamp. Like the UP official did. 

Why? 

Because most of them, perhaps almost all of them, have never done a productive day of work in their entire lives. Never have they manufactured any widget, sold any product, or faced any real-life challenge. They never queued up for anything and don’t even have to be on the waitlist for a rail ticket. Even temples give them priority – God waits for them, not the other way around. Palatial bungalows constructed for British officers are given to Railway babus who are no different from the Regional managers in a logistics company. Our lordships who are supposed to keep this system clean enjoy the services of more domestic servants than a small European monarch.

Secluded in their offices, surrounded by sycophants and brokers, insulated from all worldly concerns, they live artificial lives. And invent artificial forms. Doesn’t matter who the FM is – NS or PC. They rule.

While Modi government shows the greatest possible realisation of this ugly truth, their steps so far have been baby steps. 

We need to have talented young Indians from various backgrounds with proper corporate or industrial experience in ALL ranks of babudom. They need to have seen how the economy, commerce and business work first-hand. They can be accountants, engineers, doctors, chemistry grads or maths wizards. But no pseudo social ‘sciences’ please. 

Will this form the top agenda item in NDA3? I hope so. For the sake of our children.

PS: I have been rather hard on babus but there is a significant minority that is truly devoted to their jobs, works hard and does miracles. My salute to them. Something tells me, they are the ones that will be happy to see change too. But we cannot build this country’s future on a lottery ticket system where most fail and only some work.